I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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