Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
