Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
