that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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