girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
