sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
