so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
