Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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