need another drink. this is the easiest way
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
