My balls are so social today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
