fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
