I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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