My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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