If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
