she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
