Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
