i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
