He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
