Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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