Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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