if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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