i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
