so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
