Just cropdusted the office
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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