Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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