youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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