I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
