I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
