my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
