i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
