Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
