so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
