I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
