Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
