You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
