i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
