How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
