i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
