I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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