Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
