she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
