the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
