Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
