there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
