the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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