I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
