I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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