Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
