i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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