i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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