How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
