BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
