Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
