Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Holy shit dude........stairs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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