Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
